When delegation keeps breaking down, look at trust
You keep trying to delegate. You've written the process doc, recorded the loom, had the conversation. And yet you're still redoing things yourself, hesitating to hand things over, carrying more mental load than you intended.
Or maybe you're on the other side - you're the business manager watching your business owner take back tasks, sit in on calls they said you could handle, or quietly redo work you already completed.
Here's what I've noticed after years of working with solopreneurs and their teams: when delegation isn't working, it's rarely a skills problem. It's a trust problem.
And most of us have never actually talked about what trust means in our working relationships.
the three pillars
There's a model from organisational research that's been refined over 30 years. It says trustworthiness isn't one thing - it's three pillars working together: Ability, Integrity, and Benevolence.
Here's what makes it powerful: trustworthiness = ability × integrity × benevolence
It's multiplication, not addition. Which means if any one pillar hits zero, your trustworthiness hits zero. No matter how strong the other two are.
Let me show you what these look like in a business manager / business owner relationship.
Ability
Ability is about delivery. Can you do what you say you'll do? For business managers, this shows up as hitting deadlines, catching details, and flagging issues before they become fires. For business owners, it's about providing clear priorities and realistic timelines so your BM can actually succeed.
When Ability breaks down, micromanagement kicks in. The business owner starts redoing work, stops delegating, becomes the bottleneck. And often what's actually eroding Ability isn't the mistakes themselves - it's not speaking up early when something's off track.
The most common thing I hear from business owners? "Just tell me if the timeline or task difficulty changes. Muscling through on your own doesn't build my trust in you."
Integrity
Integrity is about alignment between what you're thinking and what you're saying. It's the difference between "yes, fine" when you actually mean "no, this won't work." It's holding back an opinion when you have one, or being vague when you need to be direct.
When Integrity wobbles, people start second-guessing everything. If I can't trust that you're saying what you actually mean, I have to read between every line.
Benevolence
Benevolence is about reciprocal care. And this is the one that gets forgotten in the business owner / business manager dynamic because there's a power differential baked in.
Benevolence breaks down when boundaries aren't respected (usually not through malice, just lack of awareness because everyone's moving fast). When one person expects their unique working style to be accommodated but doesn't extend the same to the other. When one person shows up during illness or stress and the other... doesn't.
It can be as simple as the weekly check-in. Do both people ask about the other's weekend? Do both people's opinions get valued?
If care only flows one direction, the relationship will drain someone's energy.
The Mirror
Here's the thing about trust breakdowns in these relationships: they're almost always a two-way street.
Yes, the business manager might be missing details or not flagging issues early enough. And yes, that erodes trust. But what's the business owner's part in that? Are priorities actually clear? Is the pace sustainable? Have you created the conditions where mistakes are more likely?
Two opposing truths can be true at the same time. Mistakes might be happening. And we might be contributing to the conditions that create those mistakes.
Same goes for the business manager. Your business owner might not be respecting your boundaries. And also - have you actually stated those boundaries clearly? Have you asked about theirs?
Everyone has different tolerances around trust. Some business owners won't care if you miss a deadline by a day. For others (usually because of previous painful experiences), it's a major trigger. The only way to know is to talk about it.
Start The Conversation
If you're experiencing any of these symptoms - micromanagement, energy drain, excessive mental load, things falling through cracks, struggling to delegate - it's time to look at trust.
Not to assign blame. To get curious together about what's actually happening.
Here are some prompts to start that conversation (or use them as journal prompts first):
For Business Owners:
Which of the three pillars (Ability, Integrity, Benevolence) feels shakiest right now in this relationship?
What specifically builds my trust? What specifically breaks it?
Am I creating conditions where my BM can actually demonstrate Ability?
Where am I not extending the same care or flexibility I expect to receive?
For Business Managers:
When I notice something's off track, how quickly am I speaking up? What stops me?
Am I saying what I actually mean, or softening my words to avoid conflict?
What boundaries do I need to state more clearly?
Where might I be assuming the BO knows something I haven't actually said?
For Both:
What does trust look like when it's working well between us?
Where are we each contributing to trust breakdowns?
What's one small shift either of us could make this week?
The goal isn't perfection. It's reciprocity. Both people being honest about what they need, what they're working on, and where they're struggling.
Because sustainable growth - the kind that doesn't drain your energy or resources - requires trust that goes both directions.
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